Life is full, there is no denying that. There will always be times and circumstances
that feel overwhelming. Yet for most people reading this article, it seems that
overwhelm is a constant thing. Through years of coaching I have learned that just
by beginning to understand what overwhelm really is, it loses much of its
charge; our perception of it changes and so does its hold on us.
It may come as a surprise to you that overwhelm is
simply a habit. Overwhelm is also our paradigm attempting to shut us down. It
is the fight or flight response of the sympathetic nervous system that is being
triggered.
Let’s take a deeper dive into these ideas and then a
look at some solutions to overcome
overwhelm.
Clients will often tell me that they are overwhelmed
about money, or lack of time, or work. What I have noticed is that, if they are
overwhelmed in one area, in reality they are overwhelmed in general and to some
extent, in most or all areas of their lives. The area that is the heaviest for
them, as individuals, is the one they happen to be most aware of and thus blame
for the feelings of overwhelm.
Some people have been overwhelmed their entire life.
It is a pattern or habit that may actually have been learned from your parents
or other caregivers growing up. If they grew up among family members that felt
overwhelmed, then they are accustomed to coping with that
environment…essentially they are good at it and thus have attracted or
perpetuated that state.
Other people for whom overwhelm is a habit are
go-getters, overachievers that tend to take on too much and over time have
become really good at managing ‘too much’. In the beginning it is exciting,
they feel like they are achieving a lot, then that ‘too much’ becomes a habit
that is tiring and now feels overwhelming.
Our paradigms, which are simply sets of habits,
beliefs and thought patterns were developed from the time we were children or constructed
by our life experiences. It is common to see people become overwhelmed when
they have decided to make a major change in their lives; when they decide to
change a paradigm that no longer serves them. That part of you that does not
want to change…that paradigm that is comfortable with the status quo, will
create overwhelm as a tactic to hold you back, to shut down your efforts to
change.
When we are in Fight or Flight mode we are in
overwhelm. Fight or Flight served us well millenniums ago when Saber Tooth
Tigers were lurking behind every bush. Today it serves us when a bus is coming
right at us out of control (or other dire emergencies). The challenge is that
our Fight or Flight mechanism is triggered by many everyday stressors that are
not dire, sending us into a state of overwhelm when we are actually very
capable of handling things.
Keys
to Overcoming Overwhelm
What Would You Love?
Frank
Kern tells us that “Overwhelm appears when you have a lack of
concrete goals and the absence of a simple yet effective plan to achieve them.”
He’s right. And let’s take it a step further because
if you are a go-getter, you will have so many goals that you will be overwhelmed
by the goals regardless of a plan or not. Let’s be frank (no pun intended), goals
can sometimes be unexciting, dry and, well, necessary drudgeries in order to
get the bigger results.
You must have a VISION, a dream of the life you would love to live…a purpose and passion. It
may even seem like a fantasy at first. It is that life that absolutely makes
you come alive when you think of it. It pulls you forward. IT is worth taking a look at all you do, really getting honest with
yourself about what things move you in the direction of the vision and what things
do not. Once you have decided for your dream you will muster the courage to
sort; what gets eliminated, what gets calendared, what gets outsourced, what
gets delegated. Now it is time to set
goals, make a plan and put systems in place.
Is your monkey brain screaming ‘yikes, you have to
do it all, you can’t give stuff up, delegate, outsource”? Don’t worry, your ‘monkey brain’ will settle
down and your friends and loved ones,
who at first may be put out, will soon be admiring that you actually have a
dream and that you are doggedly pursuing it.
Systems
Equal Success
The use of systems, routines, procedures and practices may
sound confining and restrictive but the reality is that they allow us to put
many things on auto-pilot so we don’t have to think and manage every little
detail. They create efficiency which means more accuracy and less time. Here
are just a few of the things we can put in place so that we can ‘let-go’: fully
utilize a calendaring system, calendar everything with time blocks including
flex or free time; invest in bookkeeping/money management software like Quicken
or Mint; commit to an exercise routine and calendar it; do your chores at the
same time/day each week; set-up a tickler system for task and follow-ups; and
possibly the most important…institute a daily personal growth practice in which
you set your intentions for the day, jot down your wins and gratitudes, review
your vision and goals, decide who you will ‘be’ this day.
Mind Your Minutes
We all have 24 hours in our day. Managing the
activities within these hours is absolutely critical. Without a doubt you must
fully utilize your calendar, block time and stick to it. It is impossible to
get everything done however it is totally possible to get everything done that
is important for you to do. This is
where the vision comes in. Once you know where you are going you are able to
determine of all the things that can be done, which serve your vision and which
don’t. Some things will get eliminated, some will get scheduled and some will
get outsourced. Now you can breathe!
But we are not done yet. I find that in a world where
we have so many distractions, minding our
minutes is equally important to blocking our time/calendar. We must stay
laser focused on the task at hand. An email pops up, we take just a minute to
reply; the wash cycle is complete, we take just a minute to start the dryer; a
text comes it……you get the picture. It is now well documented that the
multi-tasking (a skill many of us are proud to be good at) is highly
inefficient. Mind your minutes!
Choose Your Words
“I AM _______” (fill in the blank) is a powerful
statement. Use it wisely. When we say or think and “I am busy” or “I am
overwhelmed” we are claiming that state. Other words that are disempowering and
contribute to overwhelm are: ‘should’, ‘have to’, ‘need to’, ‘got to’, and ‘must’.
Try replacing these words in this fashion:
Disempowering Empowering
Busy Full
Need Want
Must Choose
Have to Get
to
Should Choose
Got to Get
to
The ‘thing’ you must do, have to do, should do may
really not be something you choose or want to do yet by exchanging these words
you shift your energy, you have it, instead of it having you. You are more
easily able to find the best in the situation. You feel expansive instead of
contracted. You become empowered instead of overwhelmed.
Who Has Who?
I have big dogs that are well behaved and stay at a
‘heel’ most of the time and yet people often ask (out of habit), ‘who’s walking
who?’ Circumstances that tend to overwhelm us are kind of like dogs…who’s
walking who? The truth is that you are bigger than any circumstance you have.
You have a choice; will it ‘have’ you or will you ‘have’ it? One of my teachers and mentors, Dr. Michael
Beckwith says it this way, “instead of telling your God how big your problems
are, tell your problems how big your God is!” You get to choose what you do,
how much you do, what you would love, what is important for you to do and how
you feel about what is going on! Period.
Breaking the Habit
You absolutely can break the habit of overwhelm. How do I
know? I have done it and my clients have done it too…using the tools and
practices that I have outlined above. This is not one of the habits that we can
go ‘cold-turkey’ on however. It will require the rigorous application of these
tools over time. It will take persistence, especially when it seems you are not
making progress. Create a vision, get your systems in place, be vigilant at
minding your minutes, replace disempowering words, and when you feel
overwhelmed, press the internal ‘pause button’ and remind yourself that you are
far greater than your any circumstance you face.
Need some help with implementing these tools in your life? Click here to schedule a complimentary strategy session with me.
